


Shadow of yours

by azuyaraven



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending maybe, but just for theme setting, but like in chosun era or something, royal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21719464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azuyaraven/pseuds/azuyaraven
Summary: When General Na brought a princess from faraway kingdom to marry the Second Prince, no one expected that it would set up a chain reaction that consists of so many lives, so many tears, blood and heart breaks.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 55





	Shadow of yours

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be short I swear. Only 2 chapters or so. Posting this so I can have more determination to finish the story.
> 
> I hope it was good enough :)
> 
> Kudos and Comments feed my soul.

“Welcome back General Na”

The King extended his hands, gestured the bowing man before him to stand up. Obeying diligently, Na Jaemin nodded and stood up, introducing the woman behind him:

“Thanks to the blessing of the God and your Highness, my mission has been completed. May I present to you Princess Hina – the future bride of our Second Prince”

His words trembled slightly in the last few seconds and Jaemin couldn’t help himself. How could he? Jaemin took a deep breath, blamed it on his recent _condition_ , stepped back so that the Princess could move forward. She was so _bright,_ breathtakingly beautiful, like the sun. Along the road, Jaemin had come to understand that the Princess was also warm, nurturing and not at all snuck up like most of the royalty. She is _perfect._

_Perfect for him._

While still keeping his head low, Jaemin tried to navigate his gaze to find the familiar shade of dark blue. It didn’t take very long as the Second Prince now standing in front of him and the Princess, and Jaemin could feel vibrations all across his body and something desperately trying to climb out of his throat when he heard that warm voice he longed for so much.

“Welcome Princess. I am the Second Prince – Lee Jeno.”

Deep breath, Na Jaemin.

 _Deep breath_.

\------------------

“General Na, please wait.”

After the Princess’ introduction to the Court and a few rounds of praises for the squad for perfectly protecting her albeit various threats from the enemy, Jaemin was dismissed. _You have been promoted to Leader of the Royal Squad._ The King said with a certain smirk, and Jaemin knew what this means. Na Jaemin – the right hand of the Second Prince – will be the Leader of the Royal Squad. This means that after the wedding with Princess Hina, the Second Prince will be named the Crown Prince.

_Jeno will become Crown Prince soon._

_And then he will become King_.

“General Na, wait.”

_King Jeno. He will be a good king. With his kind nature and his knowledge. He will be a good king. And with Princess Hina by his side. With her. By his side. He will be the perfect king._

“NA JAEMIN!”

Startled, Jaemin snapped up to find the Second Prince standing right in front of him, obviously very frustrated. Jaemin proceeded to do the formal greeting.

“Your Highness. I apologize for my misbehavior.”

“You are forgiven. The others, please leave. I have some matters to discuss privately with General Na.”

As the staffs started to leave one by one, Jaemin felt a pair of hand tugged him to stand up and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“It’s so good that you are back Jaemin ah. How have you been? I heard your squad met the Rebel at the Moon River. I was so worried.” Jeno sighed deeply as he felt warmness near his ears and his neck and within his arms. _He is alive, thanks God._

“I’m alive and well, as you can see Your Highness. Please let go of me.” Jaemin said monotonously, eyes still glued to the ground. _Deep breath, Na Jaemin._

Taken aback by the sudden coldness of Jaemin, Jeno let go of his embrace just to find Jaemin refusing to even look at him. Shuffling awkwardly, the Prince then decided to reached out to touch Jaemin’s soft cheek, tilting it so that the latter can see him properly. “What’s wrong Jaemin ah?”

The answer Jeno got was in the form of one Na Jaemin bolting backward three steps right after Jeno’s fingers grazed on his skins. Then he started to cough violently, scaring the Prince to no end. Then one drop of blood touched the ground. Then two. Then three. More blood spilled out of Jaemin’s hand as his legs given out and he crouched down, blood splattered into strange pattern.

“PHYSICIAN! PHYSICIAN! STAFFS, CALL FOR PHYSICIAN RIGHT NOW!” Jeno screamed while he tried his best to hold Jaemin together and patting his back for easier breathing. The cough still didn’t stop. Amid all the pain and cough and _blood_ he was spilling, Jaemin firmly grasped Jeno’s hand, pleading with shaky breath:

“Physician… Hwang… Only him… please….”

“Alright, alright, you just lie here for a bit yes? I will call for Hwang. Just lie here for a bit. I will go find the staffs and Physician. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. I am here now. You’re safe. I will protect you alright?” Jeno cooed softly as he carefully laid Jaemin down on the bench in the garden. The latter seemed to stop his violent coughing fit, _thanks God,_ and he just mindlessly nodded. Too tired with ragged and painful breath, Jaemin could no longer see anything other than a soft blue haze sprinting away and hear nothing but a warm, deep voice that might or might not be screaming Physician Hwang name in a far distant.

_Why now, Jaemin ah? Why now?_

He tried to focus his eyes on his right hand, where blood has painted it red. Among all the vibrant red, a few faint yellow daffodil petals can be seen.

_The flower curse._

He hid the petals in his inner coat, concealed it deeply so no one can see it. Concealed it deeply so no one can feel it, but himself. _Conceal. Conceal._

_Deep breath, Na Jaemin._

\------------------

Jaemin woke up to a pair of soft but serious eyes looking gloomily at him. Soft eyes, porcelain skin, smiling lips but always with a hint of depth and mystery, something that makes people feel like they know him, but they don’t really _know_ him. Hwang Renjun. Physician Hwang. Personal physician of the Second Prince and Jaemin’s friend since the beginning of Na Jaemin.

“Hey there.”

“Care to explain what’s going on? When they heard you were _coughing blood_ in front of the Second Prince the Queen almost banished you from Court. Or in her words – _throw him out for the dogs how dare he endanger the health of the Prince._ If it wasn’t for Princess Hina who went out of her way to claim that you did not contract any diseases along the way and I who have to put my life on the line to say that your condition was made of long-traveling distress, God knows where you would be right now.”

“Princess Hina?”

“Yeah, she’s surprisingly kind. When I arrived both Jeno and her were kneeling on the front yard to protect your body from the Queen. It was very chaotic.”

“She is indeed very kind. Like Je… I mean the Second Prince. You should address his Highness accordingly you know.”

“Prince my ass. Jeno is Jeno to me. We both know full well we are in this not because Jeno is the Second Prince but because he is _Jeno._ Otherwise I would travel to practice medicine all over the world and you would be out of this royal hell hole.” Renjun huffed in adoring annoyance. They both shared a silent smile.

“You know I can’t run away. I was bought here specifically for _one_ mission, you know?”

“And now you are here, as General Na and quite far away from your _mission,_ no? As much as you want to dwell into it, your mission was your past, and I know even with that mission, your skills allow you to escape it whenever you want to. It’s just, _you don’t want to, right?”_ Renjun’s lips pursed into a thin line, staring intensely at Jaemin. “I found these in your inner coat when you passed out.”

Yellow daffodil petals. _Shit._

Jaemin slowly sat up from his mattress. _No chance to avoid the conversation now, isn’t it?_ Or perhaps this was what he wanted all along, someone whom he can share this condition, this sickness, this _pain_ with. Otherwise he wouldn’t call out for Renjun, right?

“You know what this is. Flower petals.”

“Yes, _blood-soaked flower petals._ What’s the shit Jaemin?”

“You know what this is.” Jaemin smiled softly.

The intense eyes that Renjun had earlier now turned glassy with tears like crystals. _No, oh God no._ He crawled nearer to the tired soldier, hugging him, head burrowed into the crook of Jaemin’s neck. _No no no no. Not the flower curse. No no no._

Jaemin slowly pat the back of his dear friend, eyes teary as well. Sometimes he asked himself what did he do to end up like this? Ended up with the flower curse? What did he do in his past life that make him deserve a life so miserable like this?

_Deep down, he knows why._

“It’s not Princess Hina, isn’t it?” Renjun asked. Jaemin just chuckled in return.

“You know _who_ it is.”

\------------------

The funny thing about Na Jaemin is that his real name is not Na Jaemin. He had never had a name before he met Jeno. He was among the orphans taken in by Queen’s family, trained with blood and tears to protect the family, and most importantly the Queen and her son – the Second Prince. Among his _herd_ – the group of orphans same age as him – only he survived, and as a reward, he was destined to become the Second Prince’s shadow. His ghost. Someone who follows the Prince, protects him in the direst time of need, and most importantly, _die in his place._ The role of a shadow is not to help or support or just overall protecting him – he has servants, guards and even assassins to do them – the role of a shadow is to replace the Prince when his life is in grave danger. To die for him.

That’s why only a boy in similar age with the Prince, but with a significant set of skills must be chosen. That’s why so many who came with him died, but he was allowed to live.

Truthfully speaking, at the time he was chosen, there was a lingering question in his mind. _How can they make sure that I’m willing to die for him? After all, I have made it this far, it’s quite obvious I treasure my life, right?_

And then he knew.

“Come Jeno, I want you to meet him – your shadow. He will only appear in time of your gravest danger, so don’t call him out unless it’s necessary, alright? Nobody is supposed to know there is a shadow for you. Just know he’s there.”

In front of him was a boy with eyes like the moon and a smile that he could never quite describe, simply because he had never seen a smile like that before. A smile that was a perfect blend of gentleness, sweetness, kindness and certain pride and dignity. Years have gone by and Jeno might have grown up to be someone very different from the cute mochi-like boy he met at the time. But that’s smile was still unhinged, unchanged. Sometimes he wondered was that smile the one that planted the first seed of daffodil in his chest.

And if that first smile was not the reason of daffodils growing like his body was their private garden, then it must be his name. _Na Jaemin._ It was a stormy night a few months after they first met. The little prince might have been many things, wonderful, smart, mature well beyond his years, but deep down, he is still a kid. That was why when the thunders outside got a little too loud and the lightnings got a little too bright, he could see the little prince quivered under his blanket, his cute little head popped in and out. _Why doesn’t he call for a servant?_ _Pride, probably. He might be small and cute but he has the pride of a prince after all._

“Hey… hey there… are you there?”

He glanced down just to see the prince’s doe eyes searching around the ceiling, obviously looking for him. Nobody has ever told him what he should do in this situation. Normally shadow should not respond to requests, _unless it’s deadly._ However, the little prince looked very shaken, and if he called out any louder, people might suspect something, like the fact that there was someone else in his room, or the funny fact that the gifted, genius Second Prince was very afraid of thunders and lightnings. _We could not have that now, could we?_

So he jumped down gracefully in front the Prince, looking expectantly at the boy in the blanket.

“You are really here after all! How can you be so quiet all the time like that? I almost forgot that you existed at all.” the Prince sat up and giggled. His friendliness was met with silence, just like their first time.

“Hey, you can talk right? Queen Mother didn’t mute you so you can keep secrets and all that, right? Dear God if she did that, I’m gonna… I’m gonna…”

“You gonna what?” He grumbled a tiny whisper.

“So you can talk.” The Prince smiled gingerly; eyes turned into the moon.

“Yes, I can.” _Your mom is really not that bad. I’m still intact mostly._

“I could not ask the last time. What’s your name?”

“I don’t have a name.”

The little Prince furrowed his eyebrows “Everyone has a name.”

“I don’t have a name.”

“Then… then… how about I give you a name?”

The Prince proceeded to look at him up and down. He even got out of bed to walk around, hand under his chin like he was in deep consideration. Then, he snapped like he had the brightest idea in the universe.

“I will call you Jaemin. Na Jaemin. Like the famous General from last era. He was magnificent. It suits you.”

“Didn’t he die a gruesome death?”

“Ah yeah… But it was a magnificent death too. He died doing what he loves. For the people he loves – his citizens.”

_I doubt anyone would be willing to die for people they don’t know._

“Wait… how do you know General Na died gruesomely?”

“When you study in class I’m there as well.”

“Really… Really??? Then what is your opinion on the diplomatic issue we discussed in class last time? It has been bugging my brain for a while.”

“I think you should invade. The country’s location is in the mainland, without mountains to cover and only has river. We are much stronger in terms of military and we have developed in the last few years in water-battle. Mainland is good to seize so why not risk it and own the land?” He explained simply. The answer was in his head the moment he heard it in class.

The Prince went wide-eyed, then suddenly took his hands, held them closely while exclaimed in an excited voice “You are brilliant, Na Jaemin.”

Jaemin felt a tug in his chest. Warmth – something he had never felt before – expanding in his ribcage, and he felt something wet on his face. It took the little prince by surprise, but he managed to wipe away the tears on Jaemin’s face before he cooed, ever so softly.

“There there… don’t cry. I’m here.”

They held hands until the Prince got to bed again and fell asleep quickly. The Prince refused to let go of Jaemin’s hand, and he also insisted to be called Jeno. And it was like magic. The Prince forgot about the thunders and lightnings. And Jaemin now has a name.

\------------------

“Jaemin, I have been going through a few ancient medicinal books.”

“And…?”

“There is a way to cure your condition.”

“But…?”

Renjun groaned and Jaemin laughed. _This is no laughing matter._ Jaemin knew, yet the look on Renjun seemed so constipated it was deadly funny. And with a life full of weird misery like Jaemin, you laugh when you get a chance.

“I still don’t understand how you can burst into random laughs like a maniac like that Jaemin. Just…”

“Just what…?”

“I don’t want you to die, Min. I don’t want you to die at all.” He mindlessly grasped the hem of Jaemin’s shirt, not even looking up at the latter.

“I might not look like it, but I actually don’t want to die either, Injun ah.” Jaemin softly caress the hair of his friend, noting down how sunshine turned its color from black to some shade of deep brown, similar to the way Renjun’s eyes transformed its color under the sun.

“Jaemin, there is a way. It’s risky and it’s hard but if you trust me, I can make it work. We can tell Jeno that you are gravely sick, and we must travel far to find a rare ingredient to cure your illness. It’s Jeno, he will understand. The ancient book has the recipe, I can make it for you. It’s actually not that difficult.”

“You have not told me your ‘but’, Injun.”

Jaemin watched intently as Renjun’s mouth opened and closed, opened and closed, trying to mutter a word. Then Renjun sighed deeply.

“The cure is not that hard. It’s mostly just to induce you to throw up all the flowers. But… But you will and you _must forget_ _him,_ Jaemin ah. The only condition for the cure to work is that you have to remove yourself from the environment that reminding you of him, so that you can forget and stabilize your body. Otherwise, it’s not going to work.”

“Then I can’t do it.” Jaemin said matter-of-factly.

“No no no… you don’t understand. You will die Jaemin ah. You will die. Not for long, mind you. We can just quit everything, Jeno will understand. There will… There will be others for him. Another general. Another physician. He has already had another shadow, he can find other people to work with him. Jaemin ah, let’s go! We can travel the world. I can save you. Let’s go. Please! Please… Please… I can save you… Please let me save you Min… Let me… Let me…”

Words that were loud sentences minutes ago now became quiet sobs. Still, Renjun’s hand were clutching strongly onto the hem of Jaemin’s coat, refusing to let go. Like he was also trying his best to hold onto Jaemin, too afraid that if he let go, Jaemin would disappear without a trace.

“You love him that much, Min?”

“It’s not that I love him much, Injun ah. It’s because I am nothing without him.” 

\------------------


End file.
